Empathy

Each evening the students have a "last light." Most simply put, it is a time when the school comes together to wind down for the evening. All the tables are moved out of the living room and we sit on couches or against one another with pillows everywhere and in between everyone. Sometimes it is lead by staff, or a group of students, and sometimes just one student. There might be music played, or a book read, perhaps someone shares from their life story, or we reflect on past events.

There was a recent last light that really moved me. A student shared about a close friend who was killed in gang violence a year ago. Initially, the feelings came for me when many of the students began to share about the loss of friends from similar situations. It reminded me that there are many levels to what brings these kids here. In memory, Johnny Cash's cover of the song 'Hurt' was played (I did some research and found it was originally written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails.). The lyrics, the somber nature of Cash's voice, and sitting close with those hurting children I began to feel a connection with the ambiguous pain that has lead so many not only to drugs, but all the forms of self-destruction that we as a people engage in. This link will take you to a video of the song, and I encourage you to hear the song. The lyrics alone, do not do it justice. Cash's enunciation of the words, and the intonation of his voice elicit his raw self-hatred. I will warn you, it is not a pick-me-up, but for me it was an awakening, and understanding of a world I do not live in.

Hearing this song marked a clear moment of transition from sympathy to empathy in my job. In the last month I have found ways to relate to the students, I feel I have heard their pain, understood it, related it in my mind to parallel life experiences, but not been able to step into it, unable to feel it. That night I did. We all have forms of dysfunction in how we deal with life, no one is perfect. Mine is, and was, throughout my adolescence much different than many of the students I work with. Because of this, in some ways it has been hard to connect. It is in these moments, through the open sharing, songs, and stories that I begin to understand.