My mom flew me home for the Fourth of July weekend to spend some time with my family. We originally were shooting for me to come to Michigan in June for JT and Nicco's graduation party but it did not work with my work schedule. The Fourth weekend was the next best option, and it worked out great. As we drove up north to Alpena I started think about how a year ago I was up in Alpena telling everyone how I was going out to Idaho for a job interview in a few days. This time I was telling them all about my job. As I said hello to all my cousins and hugged them I was taken aback as I realized they are the same age as a lot of my students. It blew me away to think of my cousins smoking pot, dropping acid, tripping on LSD, selling drugs, selling their bodies, having sex, running from the cops, or threatening their parents. Instead they were up north on a holiday weekend enjoying it with their family, catching minnows, tubing, shooting bee bee guns, reading, learning how to play poker with my brother, and going to church. I am so thankful they have chosen the life that they have. There is no reason to grow up too fast.
My bittersweet moment came to me as I was kayaking with my Aunt Jan and my cousin Jenna. We were coming back to the dock and I looked up to see my grandma, my mom, my brother, and a handful of my cousins sitting around the dock. I have a lot of things in Idaho that remind me of Michigan. Lake Coeur d'Alene gives me what I used to get from The Great Lakes, there is plenty of snow, plenty of sun, plenty of forests and wide open spaces to put my mind at ease. What I cannot get in Idaho, that lives only in Michigan is the overwhelming sense of family and love. The feeling that someone knows me, really knows me from start to finish. That is what I miss.
As I was getting ready to say goodbye to my mom I started to tear up. I explained to her that I was getting ready to go home, but I was already at home. I was feeling lost, confused, and neither here nor there. She told me it was clear to her where my home was as she reminded me that during the short time I was in Michigan I refused to get on the Eastern Time Zone. That was hard for me to swallow. It is hard to let go.
Apparently, it is also hard for my cat MAX to let go, as the old guy is going on 14 years and still going strong.
